Cast
of Characters
BRIAN : In his 20’s, impeccable sense of dress, student
KIRBY : In his 30’s, slovenly yet sprightly, receding
hairline
BEAT COP : In
his 30’s, short and stout, grey moustache
WAITRESS : In her early 20’s, beautiful, braided hair
Place
Some
shady street in some city
Time
Winter
The place is one of
those dark corners of the city where the grit of simple men breaks down and
only the simple minds thrive. The lights come out in degrees and we can discern
– only faintly though – two men involved in a conversation. We can clearly see
them now, and yes they are indeed conversing. We can hear them now.
BRIAN
We have been talking
for quite some time now, and yet I am clueless about your motives. I think we
must break now.
KIRBY
(smiles)
So, you think.
BRIAN
(little perturbed)
Excuse me! What did you
just say? Should I take it as an insult?
KIRBY
Of course not! Far from
being an insult, it was an acknowledgement of your existence.
BRIAN
You are a weird man.
KIRBY
Thank you. I accept
your compliment.
BRIAN
It was not meant to be
a compliment.
KIRBY
I know how you meant it, but still it is nothing
less than a compliment.
BRIAN
I am at a loss here.
What do you mean?
KIRBY
Alright. You see…I am a
man of few words. I believe in brevity. The largest part of our learning lies
in analysis. We strive to break down the complex into simples; the forms which
are easily presented to our naïve minds; the forms which lead to a general
conception; and the conception per se is,
or tries to be, in its simplest form – bereft of any paint or embellishments
that the world outside of us encumbers them with. What do you see?
BRIAN
I see an incoherent,
garrulous hypocrite.
KIRBY
Thank you very much.
BRIAN
What!
KIRBY
Let me explain.
BRIAN
Till now you haven’t
answered any of my questions. Why have you called me here? Why did you consider
it a compliment when I called you a weird man? Exactly what do you want to
explain now!
KIRBY
I will answer the
implicit question that you posed.
BRIAN
And that is?
KIRBY
Why did I thank you
when you called me an hypocrite?
BRIAN
Just answer anything! I
could do with anything except more of your puzzles.
KIRBY
You see…hypocrisy is
akin to a pliant morality. I do not say that my morality is perverted, but I do
say that it is adaptive. When the lesser men are torn up within about what is
good or what is bad, I stand here professing, in front of you, without internal
conflicts; an untangled spirit.
BRIAN
Now let me tell YOU
something. You have ideas without direction. Your mind is proof of any
influence from without. Even if I hadn’t asked any questions you would have
continued with your SOLILOQUY, and in precisely the same order as this
dialogue. My questions do not influence you. Your statements are just
statements; they are not answers.
KIRBY
You do not ask the
right questions. But in my STATEMENTS, you need only look a little deeper and
the inchoate idea of a question, that is, what your mind seeks, would be
conciliated with them.
BRIAN
I will ask a simple
question now. WHY HAVE YOU CALLED ME HERE AND WHO ARE YOU?
KIRBY
It is a set of two
questions.
BRIAN
It seems you do
understand what I ask. Answer any.
KIRBY
Alright. I’ll answer
the former. First of all, it’s not about money.
(BRIAN
slaps his hand to his face) I have your daughter with me.
(BRIAN
looks up in a state of shock) I picked her up when she came out of her friend’s
house. I asked her father’s name and she gave me yours. I chloroformed her
again after that.
BRIAN
Did she give my
address?
KIRBY
No. I forgot to ask her
that. I realized it later. I just ran through the phone book and you were the
only person with the name Brian shen-jeh-lismon. Rare last name.
BRIAN
Yeah it is. And
especially with a name like that you are not sure to get the spelling correct.
(KIRBY looks at him perplexed) You have a wrong
man here. I am not married.
KIRBY
In a free society of
the present you need not be married to have a child.
BRIAN
I am twenty four.
KIRBY
Now that is more
logical.
(KIRBY
strokes his chin while BRIAN looks on inquisitively) But as I said it’s not
about money.
BRIAN
What is it about then?
KIRBY
Let’s take a walk. I’ll
take you to my tree of wishes.
BRIAN
Much as my common sense
tells me to do otherwise I am curious. WHAT ARE YOU?
(BRIAN catches up with KIRBY who has already
started walking) AND no matter how pliant your morality is I am sure there is a
reproachful voice within that constantly goads you.
KIRBY
I assure you sir there
is none within. Absolutely none.
(Pause)
It is safe here to presume that you are a man of education who knows about the
story of Dr. Faust and Mephistopheles ---
BRIAN
(stops)
You mean to say…you are Mephisto!
KIRBY
(stops and turns back)
No. I am Faust. Not literally though. Come on, don’t
stop.
(BRIAN comes forward and they resume their walk) I
was to answer your position here. There is no voice within; but there is
certainly one without; and it is definitely not divine. In my moments of utter
despair it brings in with it an infernal buoyancy. It guides me through my
despondency and predicaments. But there is no reproach. Not from within, nor
from without. But I am not as well read as the storied Dr. Faust.
BRIAN
I think, and YES I DO
THINK that you are in a bit of confusion here. Isn’t it the DAEMON that you are
talking about? A voice from without? You are not Faust ---
KIRBY
I said I know I am not
as great as him. Stop embarrassing me.
BRIAN
You are not Faust, you are SOCRATES ---
KIRBY
(Starts
laughing folded in two) Now that sir, is a lofty compliment. I am flattered,
but I am content being Faust ---
BRIAN
(Animated)
No no no! You do not understand. I do not mean YOU are Socrates ---
KIRBY
Well! We are in
agreement here then. What’s the contention? I am Faust ---
BRIAN
I MEAN THE SITUATION
YOU ARE IN ---
KIRBY
Look! There’s the tree.
(BRIAN
exhales a long breath and taps his forehead. He then looks up at the tree and
walks towards KIRBY who, like a child, had run up to the tree at its sight.
Under the tree KIRBY spreads his arms) ISN’T IT MAGNIFICENT?
(The
tree is in fact beautiful. There are tiny little boxes hanging from the lower
reaches of the crown. Both of them stand looking up at the tree for some time.
While BRIAN is placid, KIRBY is exultant and keeps looking at BRIAN from time
to time; possibly to gauge his reaction) GO ON TAKE ONE OF THOSE BOXES!
BRIAN
I don’t think we do
that.
KIRBY
It’s fine…just take one
down.
BRIAN
Okay. I don’t know if it’s one of your games.
(Tries to untie one of the boxes)
KIRBY
JUST BREAK THE STRING.
(BRIAN turns and stares at him for a couple of
seconds and then proceeds to do as instructed) Now open the box and tell me
what do you have?
BRIAN
(Opens the box)
I have 4 quarters, some
sort of a tiny letter and some sort of a shiny piece of glass. That’s all I
have in here.
KIRBY
That’s the recipe for the wish. You take a box, put
in 4 quarters, a shiny piece of object and your wish. Viola! You have your
wishing in place. Read the wish…will you? Please…
BRIAN
Alright. It says, “I WISH MY MOTHER WERE DEAD.” It’s
preposterous! Who in the world has a sinister wish like this? It can’t be true.
KIRBY
So you think my
friend…so you think. Let’s keep the money and read a few more.
(Takes down 3 more) Listen to this. “PLEASE BRING
CARMINE BACK HOME.”
(Starts laughing) another sob story---
BRIAN
(Miffed)
What’s there to laugh
at?
KIRBY
(Somberly)
There are not many things in the world that make a
person like me happy.
(With
a start) Come on! Grab a few and come to the bench.
(BRIAN and KIRBY take their seats and are about to
look at their spoils when they discern a beat cop approaching them. They almost
involuntarily hide their boxes behind their backs)
BEAT
COP (Sternly)
What are you two up to at this time? You know it’s
not a safe place to sit around like this. Tell me your business.
KIRBY
We were talking about the Mephisto and the Daemon.
(Pause)
BEAT
COP
You science people are
crazy. You go on about with all your education thing and think you are smart.
All you do is think. We are the people who do! Yes, we run the things. All you
did was make cars and bombs. I tell you, we don’t need these God Damn
automobiles---
KIRBY
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF LORD THY GOD IN
VAIN---
BEAT
COP
Don’t you dare act
smart here! We toil day and night keeping things in order. You don’t build your
houses; you get them built. If something bad happens to you; I say if, but
certainly it will, because it has always been. Who do you call? Yes you call
us. And on the Day of Judgment…mark my words for these are the words of an honest
man, the Lord shall give us good, that is our lot; and to you! You shall be
damned, yes you shall be damned. Now go home before someone hurts you.
(The BEAT COP walks away. BRIAN and KIRBY were
snickering all the while, but now they are laughing their hearts out. They open
their boxes and keep the contents in their pockets. There is a glow on their
faces)
BRIAN
What is this wishing
tree anyways?
KIRBY
(Smiling)
Some people say it
grants your wishes.
BRIAN
So you started this
hoax. Clever. But why bother with
quarters and shiny pieces?
KIRBY
The trick is detail…no
one believes you otherwise.
(Pause)
BRIAN
What about the girl?
KIRBY
What girl? Oh…it’s best
we decide her fate over a drink. People do all kind of stupid things when they
are sober.
BRIAN
We are walking jingly
bells with so much change in our pockets.
(They go to a bar and sit on the stools. The
WAITRESS approaches them with a shiny smile)
WAITRESS
How are you guys doing? What will you have?
BRIAN
One CHIVAS for me.
WAITRESS
On the rocks?
BRIAN
Nah, just give me some
water along. Repeat it.
WAITRESS
(To KIRBY)
And you? What will you
have?
KIRBY
House beer for me…on his tab.
(WAITRESS
looks at BRIAN who gives a nod of approval)
WAITRESS
Straight up.
(Gets the drinks) Here’s your whiskey AND your
water.
(Giggles)
Your house beer. Enjoy your drinks guys!
(BRIAN
finishes his drink in a gulp. The WAITRESS refills his glass to which he adds
water. Both of them are now looking at each other holding their drinks. They
appear to be amused)
KIRBY
I have a confession to
make.
BRIAN
Go on.
KIRBY
There’s no girl. I did
not kidnap anybody. Do I look like someone who could pull that off?
(KIRBY starts laughing)
BRIAN
I knew it from the
beginning.
KIRBY
So you just played
along!
BRIAN
You are not the only
one who is lonely in this town.
